


lukewarm

by Mertiya



Series: Mundane Outliers [4]
Category: Everyday Abnormal (Webcomic)
Genre: Brain problems, Double-think, Drunk Sex, F/F, F/M, Hints of abuse, Including herself, Internalized Homophobia, Lilith makes very questionable choices, Lilith manipulates everyone, Lilith probably has PTSD honestly, Mildly Dubious Consent, Pre-Slash, This one turned out dark and kinda depressing, Toxic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 21:07:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15033332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mertiya/pseuds/Mertiya
Summary: Lilith takes Asuka out drinking.  In the meantime, she wrestles with her relationship with Nick.  Or: how Lilith and Russell got together.





	lukewarm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zomburai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zomburai/gifts).



> It's kind of difficult to figure out how to warn for this but there's some very unpleasant but still consensual sex in the middle. Unpleasant primarily because Lilith Has Issues and is not dealing with them in a way that is healthy for her.

            The bar is hot, almost stiflingly so. Lilith looks down at her phone, at the still unread message, _You going to be back soon?_ from Nick. Her hand around the phone is oddly cold. She’s been drinking a cold drink, after all. Head buzzing slightly, the chill soaking from her stomach into her bones. _Go home_ , whispers her mind. _Go home, you’re out too late. Go home, to where you belong. To Nick. He needs you. Go home._

“Hey, can I buy you a—” Pause. “Oh, shit, Lilith, I didn’t recognize you for a minute.”

            She looks to the side. It’s Russell, looking a little abashed, in casual clothing, sleeves rolled up to show the muscles of his arms. There’s a white scar poking out beneath the sleeve on his right. She leans toward him slightly, an automatic reaction to make her body language more welcoming. She catches a whiff of his deodorant, a strong, masculine scent. He’s flushed with heat and maybe drink.

            She smiles invitingly and leans even further forward, laying a hand on his arm. “I could use a drink. Thanks, Russell.”

~

            _5 hours earlier._

            <Are you sure this is a good idea, Lilith?> Asuka brushes a stray strand of dark hair from behind her ear awkwardly. For one strange, unguarded moment, Lilith catches her eyes following the twining line of a deep scar that cuts along the side of Asuka’s neck and vanishes beneath the light cloth of the yukata she has paused in the middle of pulling on.

            “Of course it’s a good idea.” Lilith smiles, a mischievous smile that catches at the corners of her eyes. “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again, but a night out is an experience every young lady should have at least once.”

            <I question your definition of young lady,> Asuka grumbles, but she settles the light cotton garment on her shoulders and tosses back her dark hair. <Very well. I am trusting you.>

            “Good,” Lilith tells her lightly. She reaches out to straighten Asuka’s outfit. “There. You look beautiful.”

            <I am not beautiful,> Asuka responds automatically.

            “Please,” Lilith tells her with perfect sincerity. “You’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.” Asuka needs more reassurance, after all.

~

            _Two weeks earlier._

            The gun is a cold ring on Lilith’s forehead. It’s so strange how burning cold it feels. But Lilith is not her body; Lilith is not her brain. The fear is irrelevant, illogical. Nick would never hurt her.

~

            _Tonight_.

            Russell’s touch is burning as his fingers slide up the side of her thigh. It’s fine, Lilith assures herself, pushing aside the buzz of alcohol to assess the situation. Nick is in no position to give her this; she needs the physical distraction. Russell is here; Russell is kind; he likes her. Nick doesn’t have to know, and it will make it easier for her to help him. It will make it easier for her to be what he needs her to be.

            She leans back, dragging her hand along Russell’s arm. The blankets and pillows are soft beneath her. The room’s warm, very warm. His hand is in her hair, guiding her into a heated kiss, deep, forceful, and tasting faintly of disinfectant. Alcohol, presumably, but the impression is a little different. She laces her hands around his neck as they kiss, and he moans into her mouth. She reaches for his belt, pauses to run her hands across his waist and back, feeling the silky warmth of his skin beneath her hands, puckered and marred by several deep scars.

            “ _God_ ,” Russell blurts, and his hands are on her breasts now; she hooks her legs around his back and hitches her hips against his. Making a strangled noise, he ruts against her, and she presses her face into his muscled shoulder. She can feel the urgency in him now. She can feel it uncoiling inside her as well, the way sharp almost-pain flickers through her nipples as he moves his hands clumsily and pulls sensation twisting up inside her belly. It roils at her uneasily, and she needs a moment. “Hang on,” she murmurs. “Condom?”

            “Sorry, yeah, of course.” Well, that was easier than it was with Nick, but then Russell’s modern-era. Careful. He rolls to the side and fumbles in the pocket of his half-undone jeans. Gets out the packet. Lilith considers taking off her dress as he strips down; in the end, she just pulls off her panties. She’s still a little chilly, and she’s tangled up in it anyway, her breasts already loosened from the top.

            He’s on top of her again, heat from skin-on-skin contact all down her stomach. For some reason, it’s that she wants more than anything else. She’s just been so _cold_ lately. But she needs to focus; her mind keeps sliding away, back to the beginning of the evening, back to getting drinks with Asuka.

~

            <I haven’t had much alcohol to drink before,> Asuka confesses as they enter the bar.

            “Don’t worry,” Lilith tells her. “We’ll get you a beer or something light. Just enough that you’ll feel it a little.”

            Asuka bites her lip, pushing a hand up awkwardly to shove some hair behind one ear. <I just do not fully understand the _purpose_ ,> she mutters. <I’m aware it’s supposed to feel good, but—the loss of control…>

            “If you really don’t want anything to drink, you could have something non-alcoholic instead. When I was a little girl, I loved Shirley Temples. It’ll still be fun and bright-colored,” Lilith says. “But I promise if you _do_ decide to have a drink or two, I’ll make sure you don’t have too much. Trust me.”

            <I do,> Asuka says, with a slight half-smile. <I would not have come if I didn’t.>

            Sudden warmth expands through Lilith’s chest. “I’m glad,” she says. The lights thread Asuka’s black hair with gold; for some reason, she almost seems to be drawing the colors of the room towards her, leaving everything else pale and shadowed. Lilith catches herself before she can stare for too long and looks away.

~

            It’s just so easy to go through the motions. To clutch at Russell’s hair and hook her ankles around his waist and rock her hips back against him. Even the noises that drop from her lips can run on autopilot. She barely has to be present at all. It’s not her mind that needs this, after all. Her mind is fine. Cold isn’t a mental phenomenon.

~

            Asuka almost trips getting into the high stool at the bar, and Lilith reaches out to put a hand beneath her elbow, before realizing how idiotic that is. Asuka’s one of the most graceful people she knows; she was hardly going to fall just because she’s wearing a dress. Still, Asuka gives her a startled, small smile. <Thank you.>

            “You’re welcome,” Lilith manages smoothly. Her fingers tingle a little where they touched Asuka’s bare skin. What is wrong with her? She feels drunk already.

            To cover her confusion, she mounts the stool beside Asuka and orders a margarita, then instantly regrets it. Even the touch of the glass chills her to the bone, but she drinks it anyway, maybe too quickly. The cold of the ice and the heat of the alcohol mingle strangely in her stomach, in the trail of sensation left down her throat.

            With someone else, she’d start up some small talk, but her words are dried up, and besides, she’s not sure that Asuka would like small talk anyway. So she sits and drinks, watches Asuka try a single beer, slowly, watches the confused little glances that Asuka sends in her direction every so often, the small confused smile Asuka gives her.

~

            Russell is, thankfully, a talented lover. It’s easier that way. Lilith doesn’t have to work so hard to get herself off—he’s got a hand between her legs as he fucks her, and she actually climaxes before he does, which is a novel experience. Nick’s been better lately, but at first her rate was fifty percent faked orgasms or something.

            Fuck. Nick. As Russell slowly peels himself off her to deal with the condom, she reaches for her phone. Three more texts.

            _Where are you?_

_Are you coming back soon?_

_Lilith come on_

            _Sorry,_ she types back. _Lost track of time. I’ll be back soon, babe. <3_

            She’s so tired, and her head’s buzzing with the alcohol, and she’s already shivering again. “Hey,” she says as Russell comes back. “I’d better get an Uber. I need to get home.”

            He bends to kiss her on the cheek, a soft sudden warmth, and she leans into it. “You can stay here if you want,” he tells her, but she shakes her head.

            “I can’t.”

            “You’re going back to him?”

            Her hands are in her lap. “He needs me.”

            “Lilith—”

            She smiles brightly. “Russell. I had a lovely evening, but I can’t have a serious discussion right now. We’re both drunk, and it’s very late.”

            His face twists, but he nods. “All right. Call me?”

            “I promise.”

~

            Drinking with Asuka is nice. Quiet, but nice. A couple of guys try to hit on them, but Lilith deflects them. The third time someone comes up to them, Asuka gives him a smile and says politely, <I’m afraid we came here together. We’re not looking for—>

            “Oh, sorry,” he says. “You two have a nice evening. Uh. You make a cute couple.”

            Asuka stares after him as he leaves. <What?> she says.

            Lilith giggles. “He thought you meant we were on a date,” she says.

            Asuka gives her a peculiar, measuring look. <Didn’t you say that dates are when two people go out together and have fun?>

            There’s a sensation of the floor flipping out from under Lilith. She must be tired; it’s not usually the case that she feels so nonplussed. “Oh, well, I suppose,” she says with a laugh. “But we’re both women. Going out and having fun isn’t the _only_ thing that…” she trails off. The margarita spins cold-hot in her head, and for one topsy-turvy moment she wishes it _were_ a date, which is—nonsensical. Because she’s not—not that there’s anything wrong with it—she’s just not. But for a moment, she wishes.

            Asuka makes a soft, confused noise, but she nods. <I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable,> she says after a moment. <I was trying to, um, banter. I’m not very good at it.>

            “You’re fine at it,” Lilith reassures her. “I’m just a little off tonight myself.”

            <I should probably be getting back to bed anyway,> Asuka tells her. <I am quite tired. But this was fun. I enjoyed myself. Thank you, Lilith. Do you want to share a taxi back?>

            “Will you be all right going back by yourself? I think I’d like to stay out a little longer.”

            <I will be fine. You’re sure, though?>

            Lilith pushes out a smile. “I just need a little time to myself. It happens every so often.”

            <Of course.> But Asuka still seems a little hesitant, maybe a little confused, as she gets up. Lilith watches her retreating figure and thinks that she really needs to do something to get her head screwed on straight again. She needs something. She just isn’t sure what it is.

~

            When she gets back, Nick’s already asleep, whimpering as if he’s having a nightmare. She slips into bed beside him and strokes his hair, and the whimpering dies away. She burrows her way under the covers, wrapping herself around his back, but it’s not enough. She’s still cold. Even after all this, she’s still so cold.

            After a few minutes of this, she resurfaces and claws for her phone. She stares at Asuka’s number for a long, long minute, but scrolls past. Russell’s probably asleep, and what would she say to him anyway? Finally, it’s Rhine she texts.

            >I think I did something really stupid.

_ >Did you finally break up with Nick because that’s not stupid_

Lilith stares at the response, then puts a hand to her forehead and sets the phone gently back down on the bedside table. She lies down again and curls up, pulling her knees into her chin. It’ll be all right, she tells herself. She just needs time.

            She just needs time.


End file.
